2021 Reads

January 4, 2022January 5, 2022 elizabethtidwellbook recommendation, book review, Books, readingLeave a comment

Happy New Year!
I adore this time of winter–I love reflecting on the past year and planning for the next one. The week between Christmas and New Year’s for me is usually filled with quiet, homebody hygge stuff like journaling and setting goals and doing nothing. This year was a little busier with family in town, which is also good, so I am just a bit behind.

My books this year were quite…specialized =D Reading lists really reveal a person, amiright? I read a lot less than normal this year because I got sucked into so many podcasts! Which are also great, but I get overwhelmed by the infinitude of podcasts. It’s also why I always preferred movies to TV shows: they’re endless! Movies and books give a sense of accomplishment; podcasts and TV make me feel overwhelmed. haha. Anyway. I’ll be recalibrating again in 2022, although I’m planning on using my short spurts of alone time to study instead of read, so I don’t know when I’ll ever get back up to 100 books a year, but who knows?

KEY:
WJ = read aloud/listened with James
WM = read aloud to Maggie
AB = audio book
RR = re-read
BC = book club
REC = recommended to me
NF = nonfiction
F = fiction
IMH = a real book I held in my hands
EB = E-book

Circe, Madeline Miller: F, REC, BC, AB
I did a little mini-review of these first few books in this blog post.
Jack, Marilynne Robinson: F, BC, IMH
Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters, Mark Dunn: F, REC, IMH
Side note: My two-year-old pronounces “L M N O P” as “Ella Mona P” and it is the cutest.
The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek, Kim Michele Richardson: F, AB
Before We Were Yours, Lisa Wingate: F, REC, IMH
Oathbringer, Brandon Sanderson: F, WJ, RR, AB/IMH
The Opposite of Loneliness, Marina Keegan: NF, AB
These next few I reviewed in this blog post.
They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us, Hanif Abdurraqib: NF, REC, BC, EB
The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, Sue Monk Kidd: NF, REC, IMH
Jabbok, Kee Sloan: F, REC, IMH
Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting, Janet Lansbury: NF, IMH
Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City, Matthew Desmond: NF, BC, AB
The Poet of Baghdad, Jo Tatchell: NF, IMH
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski: NF, REC, IMH
The Lying Game, Ruth Ware: F, IMH
Homespun and Angel Feathers, Darlene Young: Poetry, REC, IMH
Rhythm of War, Brandon Sanderson: F, WJ, IMH/AB
Another great installment in a Sanderson series we love.
My Plain Jane, Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, and Jodi Meadows: F, AB
This was the second in the “The Lady Janies” series. The Jane in question is Jane Eyre, who can see ghosts. Very funny commentary on some of the ridiculosities of Jane Eyre, and all-in-all a fun time. Ultimately, I liked My Lady Jane more (I absolutely loved it), and I didn’t even finish My Calamity Jane, the third in the series, so maybe the novelty wore off for me.
Enchantments: A Modern Witch’s Guide to Self-Possession, Mya Spalter: NF, IMH
Ah, here’s where my 2021 reads become highly specialized: I got into witchy things this year! Witchiness is very fun to me, so I read quite a few beginner witch books. Enchantments was excellent. Apparently there’s a witchy shop in NYC called Enchantments and Spalter worked there for a long time. Spalter herself is very fun to listen to, and this was a mix of how-to and snippets of stories from the store.
Practical Magic: A Beginner’s Guide to Crystals, Horoscopes, Psychics, and Spells, Nikki Van De Car: NF, IMH
This is a beautifully illustrated book, but the content was much too skimpy for me. I get the goal of a broad primer, but there just wasn’t enough depth in any subject. My least favorite witchy book I read for that reason.
Magic Lessons, Alice Hoffman: F, AB
This is the last of the Practical Magic series (yes, the book the 90s movie with Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman is based on) and the whole series is a treat. If you liked the movie, you’ll like the books.
The Crucible, Arthur Miller: D, IMH
I wanted to read this in preparation for a trip to Massachusetts and a quick visit to Salem. I’d never been to Salem before and somehow I also didn’t read this in high school. Um, didn’t love it. I think I just wasn’t digging reading a drama; Magic Lessons also takes place during the Salem witch trials, and maybe because I read them simultaneously, I just preferred the fictionalized take over reading a play. The Salem witch trials are fascinating and heartbreaking, but the play was maybe too surface-level for me. I wanted some depth, longer time with the characters.
Salvage the Bones, Jesmyn Ward: F, BC, IMH
Oooo, this was beautiful. Ward is an excellent writer. The novel takes place over 12 days leading up to Hurricane Katrina for a small family already unmoored.
A Discovery of Witches, Deborah Harkness: F, IMH
They turned this and its sequels (the All Souls trilogy) into a TV series and I MUCH prefer the books. Everything that was cool in the books was a little hokey in the show. Did that stop me from watching the show? No, no it did not. =) It was an enjoyable read for sure. I was slightly bugged that magick seemed to come so easy for Diana, and I don’t know how she and Matthew are going to escape the Twilight dilemma, but I won’t get into that here.
The Paper Magician, Charlie N. Holmberg: F, IMH
I came across this while perusing in the library and thought it was a fun little book. I thought it needed to be longer and deeper as far as character development goes, but it was still a fun little book.
Shadow of Night, Deborah Harkness: F, IMH
The second in the All Souls trilogy. Still fun.
Reiki: A Comprehensive Guide, Pamela Miles: NF, IMH
Ah, yes, another area of specialized reading for me this year: Reiki! If you haven’t heard yet, I certified in Reiki this year and started up my own little Reiki business. (Follow me on Instagram! @LightningPeakWellness) I’m still soaking up as much Reiki info as I can get and I appreciated this hefty book that I’m sure I’ll reference for years to come.
The Eyre Affair, Jasper Fforde: F, REC, AB
Well this was a trip. A sort of lighthearted literary crime/detective novel in a dystopian future England with lots of humor and weirdness.
So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed, Jon Ronson: NF, BC, IMH
Ah, cancel culture! This book kind of follows the evolution of cancel culture and shares lots of examples. It was a really good way to dive into what it actually is–I’ve heard “cancel culture” bandied about for years and I didn’t really get what that meant exactly–like, the stakes, the examples, the real-life repercussions. I think it’s all gotten out of hand and I really reject cancel culture because I really promote *accountability and change* which cancel culture is not actually interested in.
The Book of Life, Deborah Harkness: F, IMH
The last book of the All Souls Trilogy.
The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness, Maureen Murdock: NF, REC, IMH
I wanted this book to be more of a handbook, which it wasn’t. Still valuable and I’ll probably return to it in the future.
No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame, Janet Lansbury: NF, IMH
I’m still jammin’ with gentle parenting! If you have any other gentle parenting books or authors you love, I’m always looking for recommendations.
Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teaching of Plants, Robin Wall Kimmerer: NF, AB
Ohhh I loved this. Absolutely gorgeous. Read it.
Witchery: Embrace the Witch Within, Juliet Diaz: NF, IMH
Much more in-depth witchy guide with lots of spells and rituals.
Cosmic Health: Unlock Your Healing Magic with Astrology, Positive Psychology, and Integrative Wellness, Jennifer Racioppi: NF, REC, IMH
Also explored astrology this year! 2021 opened up whole corners of the universe that I hadn’t really given much thought to before. It’s been a very fun learning year. I’m really jamming with cyclical living: living in sync with the natural cycles around and within us. This book helps you see and understand some natural and cosmic patterns and how you can individually capitalize or mitigate them.
Herbal Magic: A Handbook of Natural Spells, Charms and Potions, Aurora Kane: NF, IMH
Came across this in TJ Maxx and it was a lovely little surprise find! It’s beautifully illustrated and full of herbal info–a great little reference book that I surprisingly enjoyed sitting down and reading cover to cover.
The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money, Ron Lieber: NF, AB
Excellent book to help me start thinking about how we might approach the concept of money, allowance, questions about money, etc. with our daughter. Spoiler: I don’t think I’ll be doing allowance.
Wheels of Life: A User’s Guide to the Chakra System, Anodea Judith: NF, IMH
More Reiki-adjacent reading. This is a great book about the chakras if you’re looking to learn more about the energetic centers in our bodies. Lots of info.
Wild Power: Discover the Magic of Your Menstrual Cycle and Awaken the Feminine Path to Power, Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer: NF, REC, IMH
I love this book! I’ve been recommending it left and right. I’ve had an IUD for the past few years and have therefore not had a period. The past few months, as I’ve been exploring cyclical living especially, I missed having that natural rhythm in my life and felt like I was missing out on some key experiences that are a fact of this phase of my life. So I got my IUD out and welcomed back my period! And I have *enjoyed* it. Seriously wild. I love this book and how it helps me aim to *experience what I experience* rather than avoid it or dread it. I’m only just beginning my menstrual cycle awareness journey, but there is so much self-knowledge waiting to be discovered here.
Feminism Is for Everybody: Passionate Politics, bell hooks: NF, BC, EB
I also started hosting a feminist book club this year! I am floored that I’ve never read so many foundational feminist texts, so this is a great way to do that. I am loving it all so far. Bell hooks wrote this book to be a short, easy access point on lots of feminist topics that’s easy to digest and not overly academic. You can find a free PDF online!
The Book of Longings, Sue Monk Kidd: F, REC, IMH
This book has been swirling through my friend circles since its release and I finally got my hands on a copy. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it; the era isn’t really my thing, for one. But I *adored* it. I don’t want to spoil it for you by setting up any expectations (I think the publisher made some mistakes in the marketing), but please just go read it. It’s important. And lovely.
The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future, Riane Eisler: NF, BC, IMH
Oof! We’ve been taught the wrong (or at least tragically incomplete) history of humanity, folks. This book is a little dense because it’s detailing history and archeological findings of ancient civilizations more so than aiming to be a breezy read. It is well worth it, though! Please read this to see the reality of pre-dominator model societies. It’s heartbreaking to me that we’ve been floundering in dominator models for so long. There is another way!
Beartown, Fredrik Backman: F, AB
I love Backman, but this was maybe my least favorite of his that I’ve read so far. The book wasn’t bad by any means, it was just a little heavier without as much of a lift. It’s stayed with me, though.
A Place to Hang the Moon, Kate Albus: F, REC, AB
A cute little WWII YA about love and family and finding your people.
The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, V.E. Schwab: F, REC, WJ, IMH
I feel like everyone and their dog has read this, and it was a fun one! I read it aloud to James, which made it extra fun. It was quite predictable, but still a fun ride.

Favorite fiction: Circe and The Book of Longings (I can never just pick one!)
Favorite nonfiction: The Dance of the Dissident Daughter is life-changing and everyone needs to read it.
Book I’d recommend to everyone: In addition to the three above, The Chalice and the Blade because it’s imperative that the general public gets a more accurate view of the history of civilization.
Best series: The Practical Magic series by Alice Hoffman
Total pages: 16,909
Most underrated book: Salvage the Bones
Most overrated book: The Crucible

The Books of March and April

May 4, 2021 elizabethtidwellLeave a comment

Sheesh, I read a lot these past two months! Wanna know my secret? My daughter loves to read just as much as I do. She’s barely two and after breakfast runs to her room for as long as I’ll let her (yes, up to many hours!) and reads and reads and reads. And then after lunch and a rest (she rarely falls asleep for naptime), she’s at it again. Even when family is over or we are in the midst of some other activity, she disappears into her room and sits in a pile of books. She reads to herself–I can hear her through the monitor saying a word or few from each page. *swoon!* She loves reading by herself, she loves reading together, she loves reading any kind of book. Yesterday she picked up an early reader chapter book and had me read her four chapters (most pages didn’t have pictures) before I stopped. I’m so glad the weather’s warming up so I can get her outside–which is one of the only things that can coax her away from books without a yell =D Goodness gracious. I never thought I’d be actively trying to find ways to get my kid to do something other than read! It’s a great problem to have 🙂 And it opens up some time for me to read or listen to my own books too! The girl appreciates companionable side-by-side quiet reading time 🙂

KEY:
WJ = read aloud/listened with James
AB = audiobook
RR = re-read
BC = book club
REC = recommended to me
NF = nonfiction
F = fiction
IMH = a real book I held in my hands

The Opposite of Loneliness, Marina Keegan: NF, AB

This is a collection of short fiction and essays written by girl who died shortly after graduating from Yale with a promising writing future. Having taught undergraduate writers, her pieces are certainly strong. I actually preferred her fiction to her essays; the essays felt like school assignments.

They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us, Hanif Abdurraqib: NF, REC, BC, e-book

This essay collection has been praised by lots of my writer friends so I chose it for my writing group’s quarterly read before I knew anything about it. I was pleasantly transported back in time through Abdurraqib’s essays on music–the early essays cover bands or songs I also listened to as a teenager. I was super impressed with these essays; I think writing about art is particularly challenging. He not only captures the music, but evokes such emotion and depth in ways that opens up the music to even more pleasure and beauty than we get by simply listening. His essays masterfully weave his own experiences–his experiences with the music directly at first, then ultimately as a soundtrack to his experiences with death and racial trauma and the complexities of growing up, growing older. The depth and breadth of this collection is breathtaking.

The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, Sue Monk Kidd: NF, REC, IMH

I don’t know that I can overstate how important this book is. Everyone should read it. I digested it very slowly, reading it only when I could get some uninterrupted time to read and journal my way through. This is Kidd’s memoir of confronting and unraveling sexism in Christianity and discovering the divine feminine and awakening a unique and beautiful spirituality that’s rooted in the feminine experience. I loved learning about psychology, archetypes, female deities and matriarchal societies, and just so many cool things that Kidd offers. I absolutely love her rituals and love that she embraces any and every spiritual practice that calls to her. (Spoiler: If you’re worried she’s now pagan and divorced, she’s not.)

Jabbok, Kee Sloan: F, REC, IMH

My parents sent this to me for my birthday. It’s about the friendship between a young white boy and an old Black man in rural Mississippi in the 70s (ish?). Their friendship spans a couple of decades and lots of life phases for the boy, Buddy, who ultimately becomes an Episcopal priest. The old man, Jake, had been a traveling tent preacher, so spirituality is central to the book.

Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting, Janet Lansbury: NF, IMH

Gentle parenting is my jam. I recommend this to every parent!

Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City, Matthew Desmond: NF, BC, AB

Oof. I’m sure you already know this, but our homes inform an important part of our identity. The longer someone goes without a home or in a home that’s really crappy, the worse they feel about themselves and the more dire the vicious cycle. The longer someone’s housing situation is unstable and unreliable, the more likely it is that that will continue. Listen: The majority of the people who are screwed in our society *on all fronts* are single mothers. I don’t know why we keep thinking poor people deserve what they get, because they don’t. I don’t know why we keep thinking the free market will work itself out, because it won’t. I don’t know why we keep thinking the American Dream is equally within reach for everyone, because it. is. not.

The Poet of Baghdad, Jo Tatchell: NF, IMH

This is nonfiction but written more like a novel. The form didn’t work for me–it needed more dynamics to be immersive fiction, so I’d have probably preferred a more straightforward nonfiction. It was super interesting and sad to read an insider view of Saddam Hussein’s reign in Iraq.

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski: NF, REC, IMH

This came highly recommended and I appreciated it. I absolutely agree that stress is a fundamental hurdle to happiness and health when it goes unmanaged. I know this intimately–my body is very, very sensitive to stress. We have to find ways to “complete the stress cycle” rather than ignoring stress or assuming that our bodies physically understand when “danger” (stress) has passed. The book especially addresses the stress on the female body and life within the structure of patriarchy–the concept of “human givers” and “human beings” was stellar. I’m doing a terrible job of encapsulating it; go read it!

The Lying Game, Ruth Ware: F, IMH

Ah, man, I was quite bummed with this one. I got it for free from Thriftbooks (I get free book credits all the time…because I buy too many books) because Ruth Ware wrote The Death of Mrs. Westaway which I really loved, so I was crossing my fingers it would be comparable. Nope. The concept itself wasn’t that interesting, the last page made me super mad, and I was so frustrated that the main character drank alcohol multiple times even though she’s breastfeeding. It was fun to read some fast mystery, though. I just wanted it to be much better than it was.

Homespun and Angel Feathers, Darlene Young: Poetry, REC, IMH

Darlene was in my MFA with me and my writing group for years, and I love when my friends become celebrities 😀 I sent my mom this poetry collection for Mother’s Day–the poems often revolve around motherhood, womanhood, and Darlene’s spirituality. I thought these were stellar and loved seeing Darlene play with forms and tone and especially enjoyed how she makes the everyday holy.

Notes on Toddlerhood

April 2, 2021 elizabethtidwellLeave a comment

I’ve only been a mom for just over two years, but as every parent knows: Parenting is hard. I sometimes get overwhelmed thinking about how much I don’t know about parenting, or how to handle Situation X and Issue Y. I freeze sometimes, thinking about how to and how not to approach a problem and then the moment passes and I hope I didn’t do it wrong…I not only want to not do it wrong, I want to do parenting The Most Right. I’m sure I’m not alone.

Maggie is the best kid in a billion ways, and one of them is how gracious she is in helping me learn to parent her as we grow. She is big-hearted and patient and good at communicating what she wants and a happy, contented child. I want to honor who she is as a person and respect her as I would any other human, even though she’s just a tiny one right now.

One way I want to honor and respect her as a person is by welcoming the things she teaches me. Detailing all the ways she’s taught me about myself and helped me grow could fill a book, so I’m sticking with lessons she’s teaching me about how her little life is working right now as a toddler.

So here are a few lessons I’ve learned in my brief time parenting a toddler so far.

1. Toddlers are agents of constructive destruction.

Every toddler I’ve ever encountered loves to make a mess. Empty the bin. Knock down the blocks. Throw the noodles. They walk out of a room riding a wave of destruction–toys strewn hither and yon. I can see it on their faces every time: Destruction is fun! Right now there are crayoned comets streaking my walls and toy food from Maggie’s play kitchen dumped in a heap by feet and a little Stonehenge of stacked books by the bookcase. I’ve always been a neat freak, and I still like my space clear–I really identify with Gretchen Rubin’s maxim: “Outer order contributes to inner calm.” But I have a shockingly high tolerance for Maggie’s messes–because I know it’s constructive destruction.

Maggie dumps out toys because she likes to watch the cascade. She likes to hear the tumble. She raises her eyebrows and pulls her mouth into a little O. She loves to shuffle through a pile of toys like they’re a pile of leaves. Even tearing a page in her book holds delight in the sound of ripping paper, the tug of resistance as it tears, the lesson that once it’s torn it is changed forever. But she’s building something by destroying something. It’s constructive–there’s value in what she’s doing. She’s learning and enacting the law of entropy: things naturally go from order to chaos.

Toddlers aren’t watching the world burn, they’re watching the world work.

2. Toddlers don’t misbehave.

Their behavior simply reflects their developmental capabilities. They’re wired to test limits and learn to interact with the world and parents and peers and objects. Everything is new and exciting and very, very interesting to them. Just about every second of the day, toddlers are exploring. Even when they do something we find problematic, they’re learning cause and effect. The “MIS” of misbehave is really just saying they’re doing something we don’t want them to do. We’re interpreting their behavior as “bad.”

But what about when they bite? Hit? Take a toy right out of another kid’s hands? Pull the dog’s tail? Scream in my face? I hear you. Those are indeed behaviors we want to curb. But I’ve found that it’s best if I start from a place of openness, recognizing that she isn’t taking that toy out of her cousin’s hands with the knowledge that it’s wrong and she’s going to do it anyway. She’s taking the toy because wow, it looks really cool. He’s not biting because he knows it hurts you and he wants to hurt you. He’s biting because he’s frustrated and it’s very enticing to feel powerful–even if it’s the power of his jaws clamping down. She’s not pulling the dog’s tail because she knows the dog hates it. She’s pulling the dog’s tail because the dog always jumps when she pulls the tail and it’s kind of funny. It helps if I try to slow down and think about where they’re coming from rather than focusing on telling them why they’re doing something I don’t want them to do. It helps if I don’t think “bad.”

3. My toddler isn’t mad at me, she’s just mad.

Like every parent and child, there are times when both of us can’t get what we want at the same time. I sometimes don’t allow Maggie to do certain things or tell her “later” when she wants “now” or misunderstand something she wants or or or or. All the tiny moments that lead to what we call “meltdowns.”

The other day I did something that angered her so she ran away screaming. I assumed that because I was the force standing between something she wanted to have happen and what was happening instead, she was mad at me and figured she could use a little space and a break away from me. Which is an assumption I’ve made many times. Her bursts are usually very short-lived, so she’s not screaming in the other room for twenty minutes by herself or anything. But this time I held out my arms and she ran into them. She wanted to scream and be close to me.

I realized that it was my assumption that she’s mad at me, when it’s probably more accurate that she’s frustrated at being thwarted–which is not necessarily tied to me. Now whenever she yells or cries, I hold out my arms. Almost always she will run into my arms to be held while she hollers out her big emotions. Both of us feel better about her tough moments now because both of us feel safe riding it out within a hug.

4. Toddlers lack context.

I once saw a video someone took of their pre-lingual kid in tears, shaken up over a scene in Finding Nemo. I think a lot of people see something like that and think it’s really cute, but it made me really sad and uncomfortable. That tiny kid has only had so many months on Earth (I don’t even think she was 2 yet)–there is so much information about the world that she hasn’t experienced yet. I remember when Maggie was really little and would occasionally wake up screaming from what we assumed was a bad dream because her physical needs were met. I asked James what a tiny baby could have bad dreams about and he said, “Probably just being left alone.” My heart broke a little thinking about what it would feel like to lack such important life context that Mom and Dad would be back–or that Nemo would be rescued by the end of the movie.

We build massive structures of context over the course of our lives that help us understand the relationships between events, between people, and even between time. We know how the world works on a physical level; we know what is safe and what isn’t, we know what will hurt and what won’t and why. We know about distance, that some destinations just take longer to reach than others.

We know how stories work: easy life –> problem –> solution –> better life. But what if you didn’t know that? What if you didn’t know that there is a solution, a better life, safety coming after the scare, the fear, the danger? I could talk for days about the importance of stories and how they’re a roadmap for living and building empathy, and are ultimately a safe space to explore problems. And I will always, always advocate for reading challenging books. But I wouldn’t read Les Miserables to Maggie as a two-year-old and expect her to see any meaning beyond pain.

Even simple things like idioms. “Fall asleep” sounds pretty precarious and rather UNrestful. I just try to remember that Maggie is still learning, that she does not have the context yet. Many things that aren’t scary or confusing or frustrating to me are so because I know how they work or how they resolve. I mean, Maggie doesn’t even have the context to understand why putting her finger up her nose isn’t socially acceptable. She has almost zero social context. Sometimes I think about the vast web of experience she doesn’t have yet and it helps me slow down and not expect her to know why karate is okay but hitting your mom is not.

5. Toddlers are excellent role models.

This girl knows what she wants and she says it. She knows what she feels and she shows it. She runs when she feels like running, she eats until she’s full regardless of how much is left on her plate, she asks for help and asks for independence, and she gives full-hearted hugs. She expresses everything. She takes her time with things she thinks are important (stacking books just so), she slows down, crouches down, hunkers down to examine something cool in the grass. She takes time for herself when she wants it (she reads to herself in her room endlessly). She cries when she needs to and finds someone to hug when she wants to. She savors. She feels her body moving through the world and feels the world with fingers and toes. She says no. She appreciates rest and a good night’s sleep, she loves friends and family, she pays attention. She tries new things and doesn’t care about expected outcomes. She returns again and again to things that please her. She laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs.

Some caveats

Obviously, my kid is only barely 2. And so far I only have the one kid. My philosophy and perspectives are bound to become more nuanced and informed with more experience on my part, with more kids and their different needs and personalities, and also as Maggie grows and goes through different phases and ages that call for a different approach.

Right now I’m learning about the parenting style Magda Gerber called RIE or Resources for Infant Educarers. I listen to Janet Lansbury’s podcast, Unruffled, and I’ve read her book Elevating Childcare and have just started No Bad Kids. I’m interested in the gentle parenting approach and intend to keep reading and learning, so if you have other gentle parenting books, podcasts, blogs, etc. to recommend, please do send them my way!

Maggie is the best. Kids are the best.

January and February Reading

March 2, 2021 elizabethtidwellLeave a comment

Well look at me! I’m writing a book blog that doesn’t have to cover the entire year! Patting myself on the back over here. Annnnnd I’m even posting right at the cusp of the new month–not even a week in or other versions of “late!” Anyway. It appears as though I’ve hardly read any books over the past two months, but Oathbringer is huge, plus I have a handful of books I’m partially through. So next book dump will be a little more rotund.

KEY:
WJ = read aloud/listened with James
AB = audiobook
RR = re-read
BC = book club
REC = recommended to me
NF = nonfiction
F = fiction
IMH = a real book I held in my hands

Circe, Madeline Miller: F, REC, BC, AB

I saw many of my friends reading and recommending this book so when my writing group chose this as a group book, I was very excited. I listened to the audiobook and thankfully the reader was great, so if audiobooks are your thing, feel confident that you’ll have a good listening experience. I really loved this book. It’s a Greek myth retelling and Miller is masterful at bringing the worlds and relationships of the gods to life in their complexity. Circe (also, isn’t that name great?) is unique among the gods and nymphs–in interests and desires, motives and powers, devotion and determination. She likes humans, who, as we know, are trouble.

Jack, Marilynne Robinson: F, BC, IMH

This is the fourth book in Robinson’s fictional midwestern town of Gilead in the 1950s. This is (obviously) Jack’s story, and while I certainly think this is a very worthwhile read–he’s not only a very pivotal character in the whole series, but also a character who you might think you’ve got figured out until you get in his head and find it is quite a different existence than your own–I think maybe I just appreciated/enjoyed being in others’ POV more. My favorite of the series is Home, told from Jack’s sister Glory’s perspective, and he–and his absence–feature very prominently there. Jack details the beginning of Jack and Della’s relationship–doomed because it is interracial. Jack’s story is tough–he just can’t get on top of things. The world just wasn’t made to be kind to those like Jack. Nor Della. It’s heartbreaking and hard. There is certainly value in entering his world and perspective.

Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters, Mark Dunn: F, REC, IMH

My brother-in-law lent me his copy with the recommendation that it’s a fun little book, and it was. It’s about a tiny fictional island nation, the home of the guy who wrote this pangram sentence: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. Anyway, the islanders pretty much worship him and when individual letters start falling from the statue of him that includes that sentence, the island high council decided he was speaking from beyond the grave, instructing them to stop using that particular letter. So the letters become outlawed with some crazy extreme punishments for saying or writing the offending letter(s). The book is told in snail mail correspondence between the islanders, so the letters of the alphabet start disappearing from the book itself as the book progresses. It’s a quick, zany read and a lot of fun.

The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek, Kim Michele Richardson: F, AB

A little lady in 1936 Kentucky becomes a book woman for the Pack Horse Library Project. My love of libraries runs wide and deep, so I loved learning about this rural librarian service of the era. The plot thickens with Cussy Mary’s skin color: blue. The novel is both fun and hard–life during the Depression in rural Kentucky was hard enough for most of the characters, and for Cussy Mary in particular, who also is female (unmarried at that), has an ailing father, no mother, little income, and blue skin. She’s a very warm, likable character with a lot of gumption and kindness to spare. Until I listened to the Author’s Note following the novel, I thought the blue-skinned people of Kentucky were a fiction. Wild and fascinating. There is just so much we don’t know, isn’t there?

Before We Were Yours, Lisa Wingate: F, REC, IMH

A good friend very kindly gifted this to me in lieu of our annual Christmas white elephant book exchange party that we didn’t throw due to COVID. She hadn’t read it but had heard from a few friends that it was good. I don’t give stars or ratings to books on Goodreads because “good” is a hard thing to quantify, and for me, there are just way too factors to distill into stars–or, for the purpose of this review, the definition of a “good” book. I don’t know how to answer if I thought this was a good book. Yes. No. Enjoyable? Yes, but also no. Feel-good? No, but also yes. Interesting? Certainly. Captivating? Definitely. Angry-making, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching? Absolutely. It’s historical fiction, so I learned about two things I didn’t know before: 1) riverboat shantyhouses and the families that lived on them, 2) The Tennessee Children’s Home Society. If you have heard of the Tennessee Children’s Home Society before, you know why this book is the worst: Because the Tennessee Children’s Home Society was real, and they stole real children from real families and made them impossible to find again because they changed their names and put them up for adoption. Some serious devils dressing up as angels.
I’m going to take a bit of a tangent. I read hard books. I read a lot of hard books. I read books with lots of triggers, sensitive content, hard-to-stomach plot points and people and situations, fiction and nonfiction, including topics that mirror personal trauma I’ve experienced. I’ve written before about why I think that practice is very, very valuable, and it certainly applies here. But reading this book made me feel why so many people avoid hard books, whichever triggering content that might be: I just felt so much pain. Children’s pain and mistreatment are “it” for me. I cried throughout this book and seethed with anger. I just hurt. However. I also came to greater clarity regarding why I still think it’s important to read hard books: to be a witness. I can’t imagine sitting with someone, listening to their story, and telling them to stop or walking away because of how I felt about their story. I can’t imagine a child like the ones in this novel coming to tell me their story and me not listening because children’s pain is my deepest discomfort. I think the power of being a witness, a listener, a place of refuge, is much more important than my discomfort. Every time I’ve read challenging material I’ve learned something about the character, the complexities of social structures, the realities of the way the world works for someone who is not me or not like me or not in the same circumstances, the challenges others face, and I’ve learned about me, too. Empathy happens outside of our comfort zone. And I think empathy is a pretty fundamental purpose of life. That’s the value I’ve always seen in reading hard books: The value to readers by growing in empathy. But now it’s deepened by approaching from the other side: The value to characters when readers witness.
So, ultimately I really do recommend this book. And not just as an exercise in empathy or a grit-your-teeth-and-suffer-through-it challenge. I recommend it because getting to know these characters and their story is valuable. I’m happy to know the family at the heart of this novel. I certainly won’t forget them. And when I remember them, I will think of how hard it was for them, but I’ll think of their good things too, the ends of their stories, their families, their legacies, the years they lived, where the ended up. Because there is happiness here, too.

Oathbringer, Brandon Sanderson: F, WJ, RR, AB/IMH

The third book in the Stormlight Archives series. I did a combo of reading and listening to the book, depending on if James was ahead of me or if we were caught up and listening together. I remembered a lot of the first two books, but this one was almost like I hadn’t read it before: I remembered next to nothing. So it was fun to re-read. And now we’re reading book four so we’re coming into all new material. Fun!

2020 Reads

January 1, 2021 elizabethtidwellbook recommendation, book review, reading2 Comments

Remember how, long ago, I had a monthly reading debriefing? I don’t know when I’ll ever get to that level again, but a singular annual deluge seems less than ideal. Maybe in 2021 I’ll aim for a nice semi-annual or quarterly book dump. 🙂

As we know, 2020 had no chill, so I probably read a little bit more than I would have if I were off gallivanting. I recently ramped up my reading at full throttle since I started (re)meeting with book clubs! Probably lots of us have realized this pandemic phenomenon: Getting in touch with people you’d otherwise likely not, or at least not often. Zoom and Marco Polo have been very welcome buoys this year. I have reconnected with a pack of friends from grad school that has since dispersed across the country in the 5-year interim (how on Earth has it been 5 years???) and it is so wonderful. I have a handful of friends on a sometimes-constant GroupMe channel and it is likewise wonderful. I re-joined another friend book club and it is, you guessed it, also wonderful. There are a lot of friends and gatherings I really miss meeting in person, but it is nice to be a little more constantly surrounded with friends all around the country. And since a ton of my friends are readers, I’ve been reading. =)

But let’s take a look at my books. Maybe you’ll find something you like. And I’ll strong-arm you into reading some of these too so look forward to that.

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Angela Duckworth: NF, AB
I appreciated this. I used to have a lot of grit and I feel I’ve lost it over the years. I wonder, though, if my letting go of stick-to-it-ness is born of my recognizing when I don’t actually want to spend my energy on things I’m not truly invested in, which is a form of self-care that I think may be overlooked. In any case, I do value grit and wrote down some of her family guidelines for giving things the good ol’ college try, but I cannot find the notebook I wrote it in. I have full knowledge of the writing, just no knowledge of where to find it. Which is kind of hilarious to me.
Red Rising, Pierce Brown: F, WJ, IMH
I think this was recommended at one of our annual book exchange Christmas parties. It’s speculative fiction in a world where people are extremely separated by their many, many types of skin color with strict castes. Lots of masculine fury. Some parts reminded me of The Hunger Games, so maybe you’d like this if you liked those.
House of Salt and Sorrows, Erin A. Craig: F, AB, REC
A retelling of the Twelve Dancing Sisters (which I’d never heard of) in which sisters are dying and cursed and the mystery at the center is quite captivating. Read this if you like fairy tale retellings.
To Say Nothing of the Dog, Connie Willis: F, REC, IMH
I looooooooove this book. It’s zany and hilarious and completely unique. In a world where time travel is a thing (for some) (and totally not our typical portrayal of time travel), Ned is sent to the Victorian era for a constitutional (because lavish picnics and strolls by the Thames would restore anyone’s spirits and energy, right?) but his R&R is thrown out the window when hilarious characters and situations are thrown into his lap. Read it. If you like My Lady Jane (see below), I bet you’ll like this one too.
Garbology: Our Dirty Love Affair with Trash, Edward Humes: NF, AB
I actually remember almost nothing of this book. Except I think I remember being aghast at how huge dumps are–which reconfirmed my aims to waste less.
The Invention of Wings, Sue Monk Kidd: F, AB
I picked this up because my sisters and I were planning our biannual sisters trip to somewhere in the South and I like reading a book set in my destination ahead of time. We didn’t end up going to Charleston (expensive flights!), so that was a bit of a bummer (LA got us instead). This book was great, though. It follows the dynamics Sarah Grimke and her slave, Handful, as they grow up and change together (and apart) in the early 19th century. It is much more complex, harrowing, and satisfying than that lame sentence.
Golden Son, Pierce Brown: F, WJ, IMH
Book 2 of the Red Rising series. Still enjoyable.
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, John Berendt: F, AB
I didn’t particularly like this one. I also read this one anticipating a trip to the South as it’s set in Savannah. I didn’t hate it or anything, I just wasn’t that compelled. I feel like I wanted to like it more than I did. It sort of reads like a novel, but it is nonfiction, which actually does make it much more intriguing. Savannah as a backdrop was beautiful. The characters are super varied and seeing their interconnectedness is interesting.
Morning Star, Pierce Brown: F, WJ, IMH
Book 3 of the Red Rising trilogy. James and I got through them fairly quickly; it’s nice when we find a book or series to read together. I liked the first book the best, but overall the series was enjoyable and different enough from other sci-fi dystopias to be satisfyingly compelling.
Five Feet Apart, Rachael Lippincott: F, AB
This is YA fiction about two teens with cystic fibrosis. My nephew has CF so I was drawn to it. Two teens fall for each other while in the hospital being treated for CF–but the big catch is that CFers can be particularly dangerous to each other so these two must stay 6 feet apart to stay safe (COVID, anyone?) while they not only fall in love, but try to beat the imminent dangers of CF. I think there’s a movie version now/soon.
The Death of Mrs. Westaway, Ruth Ware: F, AB
This was a lot of fun. Dark, but kind of addicting. A family mystery, danger, hunches and shadows and deception and creepiness and enigmas and I find myself thinking about this one months later. Sometimes I’m browsing for books and realize I want more like this. I’ll have to check out other books by this author.
The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating, Elisabeth Tova Bailey: NF, REC, EB
This is a slow and beautiful book about a woman who is bedridden with serious health complications. A friend brings her a snail as company and she becomes enraptured with the little snail’s movements and life and of course what that means about Life. I’d been meaning to read this for quite a while and was happy it held up to my expectations. I love beautiful animal books, and since I was also been bedridden for a couple of months many years ago, I felt a deep connection with Elisabeth and the type of life you live and the type of things you think and the type of little fascinations you focus on from a bed.
The Good Good Pig: The Extraordinary Life of Christopher Hogwood, Sy Montgomery: NF, IMH
Oh how I love Sy Montgomery. She has the most open soul. I want to say words like pure and innocent but those sound trite and infantilizing. But she is just so downright loving to all creatures and I find her and her work very fascinating. This is the story of her pig. We had pigs (and other animals) growing up and I often, often miss that way of life and this book brought it back and brought more love with it.
The Year of Less: How I Stopped Shopping, Gave Away My Belongings, and Discovered Life is Worth More Than Anything You Can Buy in a Store, Cait Flanders: NF, AB
I think this is a worthwhile book for everyone to read. I don’t think it’s the absolute best book in this category (buy fewer things, live simply, waste less, etc.), but it’s a good way to see how one person accomplishes those goals. Her life changes drastically over her year’s experiment but they all seem mostly within reach. This is a memoir, so it’s not prescriptive the way a book like Zero Waste Home is; I don’t think Flanders is trying to be an expert, just a lady who wants to tell you about her transformational year. We would all be better–individually and collectively, environmentally and fiscally–if we took a page (or many!) out of this book. One quick way to start is to unsubscribe from any shopping mailing/emailing lists! Save those dolla dolla bills, y’all.
Mary Magdalene Revealed: The First Apostle, Her Feminist Gospel & the Christianity We Haven’t Tried Yet, Meggan Waterson: NF, BC, EB
I love Mary Magdalene. I’ve been finding there is so much more to her and her significance than the perfunctory summary of her that I’ve traditionally been taught. I’m very drawn to her and I’ll keep seeking her. This book is also a lot of memoir about Waterson’s search for Mary but also her personal and spiritual life in general and how they intersect with Mary’s gospel. I learned there was a Gospel of Mary Magdalene that was ordered to be destroyed but incomplete, albeit still very powerful, portions survived. There’s a lot to learn here. I think this book is a good introduction to Mary’s gospel without being too dry and driven by a strict theological perspective; weaving with Waterson’s personal experience both lightened and deepened Mary’s gospel.
The Woman in the Window, A.J. Finn: F, EB
This was a book in a similar vein and somewhat vibe as The Death of Mrs. Westaway (in my general diet of books–I don’t read tons of thrillers so I’m not the most well-versed reader in that genre) in that there’s danger and mystery and family secrets and intensity. I was entertained for sure, but not quite as gripped as with Westaway.
Disparates, Patrick Madden: NF, IMH
I wanted to go to BYU to get my MFA in creative nonfiction because I wanted to work with Pat; I attended a reading of his while in my undergrad and I remember thinking, “This is how my brain works!” Pat’s third book here is so playful and silly and just fun. Essays are generally thought to be a place and a push for Deep Thoughts, but Pat makes the rules here. I love how he makes form malleable, pushes readers to participate and makes sure we also reach for the profundity that can be found in play.
Wild Game: My Mother, Her Lover, and Me, Adrienne Brodeur: NF, BC, EB
Woof. Brodeur was a secret-keeper and enabler in her mom’s affair with her dad’s best friend–while both of them were married and the couples were all best friends. Brodeur was like 14 at the time. Holy moly. A lot of this book brought up the concept of boundaries (without speaking like a self-help book); where do Mom’s problems and secrets and even personality and desires end and mine begin? It is a potent memoir that will surely reel you in with its forbiddenness-nigh-schadenfreude and the compulsion to live the life we think we’re meant to live–and the implications of that drive.
The Bean Trees, Barbara Kingsolver: F, REC, AB
I love Barbara Kingsolver, but I admit putting this one off a bit by sheer judgement of its book cover! =D It, of course, turned out to be lovely. I don’t mean it’s all light and uncomplicated; it raises questions of the nature of family, heritage, and what doing the best for each other looks like. Taylor is moving to the West, away from her poor, rural Kentucky when a small, silent Native little girl is dropped in her lap (more accurately, in the passenger seat). That little girl irrevocably shapes Taylor’s life and puts her in community with people and circumstances that challenge her (and us!) to understand each other, our histories, our culture with more nuance and compassion.
The Adventures of John Carson in Several Quarters of the World: A Novel of Robert Louis Stevenson, Brian Doyle: F, IMH
Brian Doyle passed away a few years ago and this is the last book I bought at the last reading of his work at BYU–a tribute reading where many of us got to read his essays and give them space to breathe and give ourselves space to mourn and celebrate. He loved Robert Louis Stevenson and wrote this as the book Stevenson never wrote. It was lovely and adventurous and I certainly saw Doyle’s love for Stevenson and mostly his love for life and people in these pages.
The Art of Hearing Heartbeats, Jan-Philipp Sendker: F, AB
Julia’s father disappears from his successful and happy life with his family in NYC. Julia traces his early life to a tiny village in Burma and discovers an entire type of existence that is both heartbreaking and awe-inspiring. I don’t remember where I heard of this one but it certainly wasn’t what I was expecting. It was a meaningful look at how love and loss shape so much of our lives.
The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd: F, RR, IMH
A re-read. I read it in high school but remember thinking it was overhyped at the time. I rescind that opinion. It is beautiful. Women, man.
The Fifth Season, N.K. Jemisin: F, WJ, REC, IMH
Another book recommended and received from our Christmas white elephant book exchange party. I really liked this series–it is much different from other speculative fiction I’ve read. The concept is unique and captivating. Jemisin is unflinching.
Pigs in Heaven, Barbara Kingsolver: F, AB
The sequel to The Bean Trees. Also lovely–Kingsolver does a great job continuing the story and following the trajectory of the characters a few years later. As we know, not all sequels do that well, but I trust Kingsolver and she delivers.
The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, Alexander McCall Smith: F, REC, IMH
Last year my parents moved out of their house of almost fifteen years to go on a church mission to South Africa and necessarily pared down their library mercilessly. I was a grateful recipient of many books. I wasn’t exactly sure what tone this series would take, but it is both sweet and spunky. It’s not a thriller; there are lots of small personal problems Mma Ramotswe resolves as the first lady detective in Botswana, some heartbreaking and large, some straightforward and simple, but not in a nail-biter, sit-on-the-edge-of-your-seat way. In fact, I found these a pretty excellent before-bed read. They’re somehow comforting. Apparently there are over 20 books in this series and I’ll be picking up at least a few more!
The Obelisk Gate, N.K. Jemisin: F, WJ, IMH
Book two in The Fifth Season trilogy. James and I ran through these pretty quickly because they just begged us to. My goodness, this year’s unwitting themes were family and strong women. This series takes on those elements with depth and complexity–especially for dystopian sci-fi.
Untamed, Glennon Doyle: NF, REC, BC, IMH
The crux of this book is unraveling the social conditioning that cages women. This is Glennon’s story of confronting her past and embracing a radically different future, one where she feels untamed, free, and deeply happy. I love that for her and I love that she wants to help women do that for themselves. I think this book is very brave and it resonated with me–especially this year as I’ve been unraveling and examining my own spiritual life, which is an extremely reductive word for what I mean. I was thinking throughout the book what my untamed life would look like and I loved that I didn’t feel like I need to make profound changes really. I have a great life. Anyway, Glennon really does need to acknowledge not only her privilege but also her unique circumstances that are really unobtainable to most women (and I don’t really mean that in a particularly negative way, it’s just that she was already a successful author and she married a famous soccer player…..which obviously sets up her life very differently than most of us). There were some elements that I feel she needed to be more open and self-aware about and I think she could have dug deeper in general in some ways.
How to Be an Antiracist, Ibram X. Kendi: NF, REC, IMH
Kendi’s argument is that policies are racist more so than people, and the vital avenue for change is understanding how exactly our political and social policies are ostensibly “fair” but in reality result in a lot of damage to people who don’t have white skin. And then, of course, once we can see behind the curtain, take action to change racist policies. His book also follows his own journey through racism–both thrust upon him and as a participant. This was the first book I read for Justice in June and antiracism and I do not think this is where I recommend others start reading. It’s quite academic, quite long, and takes a lot of dedication to continue reading. Of course dedication is required of all of us, but for those who haven’t engaged much with the topic of antiracism, I recommend a different book to start that work. It’s great for a more experienced reader on the topic.
The Faraway Nearby, Rebecca Solnit: NF, BC, IMH
Wow, beautiful. This is a super complex memoir that is just downright stunning. The prose is breathtaking and she has a running line of text as a footer that is its own little essay that astoundingly weaves with the main text. It was lovely reading as an essayist especially; she takes inspiration from everything and circles the stories and ideas to great depths. A radiant tapestry of writing and thinking.
Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men, Caroline Criado Perez: NF, REC, AB
Holy. Moly. EVERYONE READ THIS. The list of ways our world is designed for men is endless. And that’s maybe only brushing up to hyperbole. There is serious damage done to women every day, everywhere in the world. In ways we don’t even realize! From transportation systems to seatbelt design to sanitary safety to cultural tradition to illiteracy to breastfeeding pumps to safety gear. Anything you can think of, really. Perez is thorough in her examination and research and presents the information with clarity as well as passion. Please read this. If you’re local, borrow my copy. I listened to the audiobook and then bought the book fully intent on getting it into as many hands as possible.
The Trumpet of the Swan, E.B. White: F, WM, IMH, RR
I started reading this to Maggie when she was liiiiiiiiiiitle and would sit in my lap, swaddled and wide-eyed. I read it as a kid and re-reading was fun. I had forgotten almost all of it. That swan made bank.
Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?, Roz Chast: NF, REC, IMH, graphic memoir
Roz is a cartoonist for The New Yorker so she packs a lot of punch into her cartoons, and paired with the topic (her parents’ aging and death and their dynamic as a family), this was a gripping memoir for me.
The Dreamers, Karen Thompson Walker: F, AB
I listened to this one in early summer, and reading the story of a pandemic seeping through a town was a little unsettling, considering. Maybe I was even more drawn into it, though, in light of The Lost Summer of 2020.
Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World, Cal Newport: NF, AB
I really do want a digitally minimalized life, but since 2020 meant connecting through digital means….I’m not there yet. This book was really compelling and important. I do want everyone to read it so we can be healthier as people and as a society. I really don’t like being on my phone around Maggie, so digital minimalism is a goal for me.
White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism, Robin DiAngelo: NF, REC, BC, IMH
Obviously one of the most important topics, this year especially. DiAngelo’s approach was rather gentle, aimed at white people who don’t realize all the ways we (hopefully inadvertently as opposed to intentionally) shut down when we talk about race. I think it’s a good place to start on our anti-racism journey. I was reading anti-racism books this year for my own benefit (I have so. far. to. go.) and also with an eye toward sharing them with white people, so I was kind of looking at what order I’d recommend the books I’ve read. This is certainly a contender for “start here.”
Tears of the Giraffe, Alexander McCall Smith: F, IMH
Book two in The Ladies’ No. 1 Detective Agency. Just as fun as the first in the series.
The Stone Sky, N.K. Jemisin: F, WJ, IMH
The final book in The Fifth Season trilogy. It all came together in a way that we felt throughout the series, but arrived there carefully without losing our interest or investment. These characters grew a ton and it was a satisfying read. I may have cried in this series and I don’t know that I’ve ever done that with sci-fi.
The Last Flight, Julie Clark: F, REC, IMH
A fast thriller that reasonably entertained me. There is a special place in hell for abusive husbands.
The Strange Case of Dr. Couney: How a Mysterious European Showman Saved Thousands of American Babies: NF, AB
This was a ride. Dr. Couney essentially pioneered incubators for preemies for traveling side shows. People would pay to see a bunch of tiny babies at Coney Island, the World’s Fair, etc. Wow wow wow. This was during a time when most preemies didn’t live long, so I was pretty teary and grateful for his and his nurses’ work. Patience and love. They were dedicated to babies when they didn’t have much funding or support and faced tons of other obstacles.
Other Words for Home, Jasmine Warga: F, REC, AB
The story of a girl and her mom who flee Syria, necessarily leaving behind her brother and her dad. She is brave and the story is beautiful.
I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness, Austin Channing Brown: NF, AB
I listened to this audiobook (or did I read it on my phone as an e-book?) quickly and let it wash over me. Brown’s experiences are poignant and she tells them with grace.
My Lady Jane, Cynthia Hand & Brodi Ashton & Jodi Meadows: F, REC, AB
This book is DELIGHTFUL. It is a wild alternate-history combining Lady Jane Grey, British succession, and people who turn into animals. The concept is fun, but the narrator is a downright hoot. I listened to this one and the reader did a marvelous job. Go read it. Or listen. Go go go! (If you like To Say Nothing of the Dog, you probably will enjoy this one.)
Pope Joan, Donna Woolfolk Cross: F, REC, IMH
I was not super enthusiastic about this one before I started reading it because the era isn’t usually my thing (it’s set in the mid 800s. Not 1800s–800s). But it was very strongly recommended to me so I gave it a go and I was surprised that the rise of Joan through the religious and social ranks was more intriguing than I had anticipated.
Station Eleven, Emily St. John Mandel: F, AB
I think I stumbled across a list of recommendations from some Trustworthy Readers or others and ended up with ANOTHER pandemic end-of-the-world book during a pandemic. Boo to that but it was still an okay use of my time. I want to say I’d heard some buzz about this book being great, but I preferred the other pandemic novel, The Dreamers.
The Tiny Potty Training Book: A Simple Guide for Non-coercive Potty Training, Andrea Olson: NF, e-book
I really like the idea of this approach: pretty straightforward, teaching the kid the potty is just where we potty instead of using stickers or treats or something as rewards. She says there’s no such thing as waiting for a kid’s “readiness”–that’s a myth driven by diaper companies. I also liked that idea. But then I tried to potty train Maggie for 5 days and then I gave up. It just didn’t seem to click with her and I just….got discouraged. Maybe she would have gotten it down had I stuck to it a few more days–I don’t know. But I think Olson would be disappointed in me for quitting. =D The book uses some charts that I think could have been more clear and her “phases” were sometimes not as clear either. I can see that she knows her system well, but I can also see that she’s not a writer.
The Moment of Lift: How Empowering Women Changes the World, Melinda Gates: NF, AB
I firmly believe in the idea driving this book. She shared her personal story about how she got to where she is, and lots of stories from women around the world she’s met and helped through her philanthropic travel and aid, plenty of which made me cry, all of which made me want to help more. I admire and appreciate those who can make a difference in so many lives in this capacity–and all of the administrators and volunteers and foundations she worked with along the way who have much more limited financial resources but are still dedicated to helping women obtain better lives–because the obstacles many women face are real and many.
The Rook, Daniel O’Malley: F, REC, WJ, IMH
This was a fun book. We watched one episode of the new TV show and the book is waaaaaay better.
Olive Kitteridge, Elizabeth Strout: F, BC, IMH
A series of short stories in a small New England town in which Olive is the string tying the stories together. Sometimes she’s very prominent in the particular vignette, other times she’s more of a whisper, but she’s always there to anchor us in this town and these people. It’s a very quiet book about quiet lives and I loved it.
The Power of Ritual: How to Create Meaning and Connection in Everything You Do, Casper ter Kuile
This is a lovely book. It’s a fast read, simple concepts, easy to understand and apply while not at all prescriptive. I’ve been exploring and transitioning spiritually and this was a good touchpoint for imbuing my life with a little more meaningful intention. I’ll be re-reading this soon. I’ve flagged some pages and I’m excited to return to it and go a little deeper and slower upon a second read.
Ramona and Her Mother, Beverly Cleary: F, WM, IMH
I read this to Maggie while most of the time she sat snuggled up to me reading her own book. I’m excited for this girl’s reading life. She’ll have a great one. I bought the Beverly Cleary box set a few years ago and hadn’t read many of them before, so we’ll be going through these together. I love Ramona’s feistiness, individuality, imagination, and fierce love.
American Dirt, Jeanine Cummins: F, REC, AB
I’m sure you’ve heard the conversation around this book, and I agree: It is written more like a suspense novel than an authentic immigration novel, which would be more powerful and needed.
A Mercy, Toni Morrison: F, BC, IMH
I knew I was in for a punch with Toni Morrison, and the book did so. (Although a much softer punch than The Bluest Eye, which is the only other Morrison I’ve read.) This story is set in the very early slave days and, while sweeping wider than this family, focuses in on a few women thrown together through slavery: The white landowner’s wife, a Native woman slave, a Black teenage slave, and a mixed-race young woman with mental illness. It’s such an understatement to say that women’s lives could be so profoundly anchorless and precarious (without males) at that time. My heart broke for the characters often.
The Story Collector, Kristin O’Donnell Tubb: F, AB
I follow Gretchen Rubin on FB and she posted something about being fascinated upon finding that there used to be apartments in the top floor of the New York Public Library (although they’re now unoccupied and being renovated and absorbed into the library proper). Then a bunch of her follwers posted (mostly YA) books that somehow intersect with that idea, and this was one of them. A cute middle-grade novel with a protagonist who lives in the library in the 1920s.
The Story Seeker, Kristen O’Donnell Tubb: F, AB
The sequel to the book above. Also fun.
The Way of Kings, Brandon Sanderson: F, RR, IMH
Re-reading in preparation for book 4 in the series arrival. James reads a lot of fantasy so it’s fun to jump into his realm with him. Also my brothers love Sanderson so it’s cool to be cool. These are hefty so it’s taking a lot of time. Since I generally remember the story (everything’s familiar but I couldn’t tell you any of the intricacies without re-reading), I’ve been paying more attention to what Sanderson accomplishes. I’m impressed. He not only builds a new world, but also creates cultures, religions, lore, history, politics, fashion, magical powers, war strategy, etc. etc. etc. on top of writing just massive amounts of intricate content. Bravo, Brandon! (Also, my box in BYU’s English Department was next to his, so I definitely very lightly brushed shoulders with fame.)
Words of Radiance, Brandon Sanderson: F, RR, IMH
Book 2. Everything I said above holds true. Kaladin gets quite whiny in this book, but most guys have to go through their Harry-Potter-in-book-4 stage.
They Both Die at the End, Adam Silvera: F, AB
In a world where there’s a company that calls people on their Death Day, two 18/19-year-old-boys find each other (through an app called Last Friends–a place to find friends for your last day alive) and fill their last hours with adventure, living the way they they wish to be. I liked the characters and the general story. Of course, there’s the question of if knowing about the day you die beforehand becomes self-fulling prophecy, but I’m glad the book didn’t feel like it needed to address that larger issue and just focused on the story it wanted to tell: the two boys and their last day.

Favorite fiction: Oh gosh, I can’t choose between To Say Nothing of the Dog and My Lady Jane.
Favorite nonfiction: Invisible Women shook me the most.
Book I’d recommend to everyone: Besides the three above, I’m going to go with The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency because I think it has wide appeal without sacrificing meaning.
Best series: The Fifth Season
Recommended order to read anti-racist books (of the too-few antiracist books I’ve personally read): I’m Still Here as initial primer in identifying the perniciousness of racism, then Between the World and Me (which I read a few years ago) then White Fragility as a gentle entry in turning toward our own actions then (Me and White Supremacy though I couldn’t finish it fast enough before my library holds ran out) then (probably others that I haven’t read yet) then How to Be an Antiracist. This is obviously such a pitifully unexhaustive list, but it is a start. What other recommendations would you recommend? I have a lot on my list but always want more.
Total pages: 19,811
Most underrated book: Olive Kitteridge
Most overrated book: Station Eleven

Until next year! I do have a goal to write these blips immediately after finishing the books….reviewing a book in late December that I read in early January is nigh impossible.
As always, send recommendations my way! Happy reading!

Remember: This belongs on your to-read-immediately list. =)
invisible women

Living Sustainably Through Coronavirus: Feminine Hygiene

March 29, 2020 elizabethtidwellLeave a comment

Welcome to the last of my switch-to-reusable goods during (and after!) COVID-19. (Check out bidet recommendations, cloth toilet paper, cloth diapers, and unpaper towels!) As I said in my first post in the series, not only are these reusable goods so helpful during the pandemic shortages, but can help you build more sustainable habits after we get through all this. It’s nice to not run out of things. And it’s nice to save some money and buy fewer things.

And it’s nice to feel like we’re adding a few drops to the bucket of actions that help relieve the planet a little. Although there is plenty of controversy regarding the potential environmental impact of coronavirus, this quote from a NYT article resonated with me about the relationship between humans and nature in general + coronavirus:

“Humans are part of nature, not separate from it, and human activity that hurts the environment also hurts us … Perhaps the real question is not whether the virus is “good” or “bad” for climate, or whether rich people will take fewer airplane flights, but whether we can create a functioning economy that supports people without threatening life on Earth, including our own.”

Anyway. Back to your regularly scheduled program. As Martina McBride reminds us, this one’s for the girls.

Let’s talk about menstruation. That time of the month. Your period. Aunt Flo. Lady business. Crimson tide. Mother Nature’s gift. And, aptly, on the rag.

Clearly, there are tons of euphemisms about menstruation; we’ve been taught forever that female bodies are gross and wrong in lots of ways. So I think this uncomfortable cultural relationship with female bodies in general has made the idea of menstruation very loaded when it comes to reusable feminine hygiene products. Because it’s easier to quickly trash the evidence of our bodies, rather than care for the products that support us. I’m pretty sure this will be the most resisted sustainable switch, right up there with cloth toilet paper, post-bidet or not. But I want to give you some resources to help you make this sustainable switch.

Can I interrupt with a major side note? I actually have no idea how familiar you are with menstrual cups or period underwear. To me they’re growing more mainstream, but that may very well be a product of targeted ads; I see ads for them all the time, I see friends and acquaintances in my FB Groups talk about them frequently, and I even know a lady from my hometown who co-founded a menstruation cup company. So maybe my view is a little skewed. But I do highly doubt this is the first time you’ve heard of these, right? (Right?!) And maybe you’re already well versed in feminine hygiene options! And know tons more than I do! Gosh, I really don’t know. I hope this is helpful in any case. And if it’s not, let me know 😀

Anyway. You actually have quite a few options when it comes to ensuring you won’t run out of tampons during a shelter in place order–way more than I was familiar with!

I have a major, major caveat to add before we go any further: I have not used any of these products. I started my low-waste journey around the time I got pregnant, so I haven’t needed feminine products. So I will have no personal experience to offer you. As I’ve stated before, though, a big part of my goal with these posts is just to put a lot of options and resources in front of you so you can shorten your research time. So let’s jump in.

Menstrual Cups

My impression is that these are the most mainstream reusable feminine hygiene product, so you may already be familiar with them. The idea is that instead of using a product meant to absorb period flow, you can use one that catches and collects blood instead.

You’ve probably heard of the Diva cup. And there’s Intima Lily cups. OrganiCup. Lena, Athena, Dutchess, Lunette. Google gives you tons of options. Remember how I mentioned the cup company a lady I know from my hometown started? That’s the Saalt cup. I actually have one of these, but as I said before, I haven’t tried it yet.

Menstrual Discs

I was more familiar with menstrual cups than discs, but they are growing in popularity. They are most similar to a cup, but are a little different. Here’s the difference between the two. And another explanation, with a few more illustrations.

The confusing part about buying a disc versus a cup is that they’re often still called a cup. I mean, look at some of these disc names: the reusable Ziggy Cup ; the Lumma Cup, which they call “the new disc-shaped reusable menstrual cup”–ha! Same with the nixit. When you’re looking to purchase, just look at the shape (flat instead of looking like a full cup) and the placement (under the cervix).

You’ll find that most are still disposable, so be sure to verify that you’re getting a reusable disc before buying!

Washable Pads

These are just what they sound like: a washable cloth replacement for disposable pads. Glad Rags has a great FAQ page. And explore the rest of their site for more useful info! EcoLadyUK also has a good list of considerations before buying. Buy some at Aisle, Domino Pads, Wish, Heartfelt, and tons on etsy.

You can also make your own fabric pads. Here are some instructions. Here’s a site that includes instructions and sewing patterns for different styles of pads. There are lots of tutorials out there, so just find one you like.

Washable Crocheted Tampon

These are also just what they sound like, but are considerably more questionable for your health since there are no FDA regulations on them. The concern is that these handmade yarn tampons are used inside of the body rather than outside, so that comes with a lot more risks to your health. So I’m not going to recommend those for ya.

Period Underwear

This is another item that I suspect is more familiar to you. They’re just like underwear, but have additional moisture-wicking and absorbent fabrics. It’s like a built-in pad but not so bulky. Thinx is a common brand. Modibodi has lots of styles–including active wear and swimsuits. There’s also Bambody, and a lot of the reusable menstrual products websites listed above have cups, pads, and underwear, so look around.

Sponge Tampon

Another option is a sponge. There are some natural sea sponges which are literally just straight out of the sea. Here are some reviews and shopping options. If you see synthetic sponges, those are single-use only, so keep that in mind.

Free Bleeding

This is also just what it sounds like: menstruating without any containment. You can find lots of info in this article, including this explanation: “There are two sides to free bleeding. Some view it as a movement intended to normalize periods in society. Others are forced to do it out of financial necessity.”

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And that’s all I’ve found! There may be other reusable feminine hygiene products and methods out there, but this is what I’ve got. As I said above, I haven’t tried any of these yet. So if you have personal experience with any–or more than one!–of these, comment below!

Living Sustainably Through Coronavirus: Switch to UNpaper Towels

March 25, 2020March 25, 2020 elizabethtidwellLeave a comment

This series has taken me longer to write than I thought it would. But the good news is that all of these topics (bidet, cloth wipes, cloth diapers) are evergreen: they don’t expire and they don’t run out, pandemic or not. =)

Another commonly hoarded single-use (and therefore finite and run-out-able in a pandemic) item right now is paper towels. But I think this is far and away the easiest sustainable switch to make. I bet your kitchen is already equipped with some sort of towel–dish towel, wash cloth, rag. All you have to do is reach for those instead of paper towels!

Okay, I admit this is easier said than done. We have a basket under our sink for dish towels and wash cloths, and I generally already use them almost constantly. I’m pretty good about that. But opening that cupboard and bending over to grab a towel from a basket sitting under my sink is just a teensy bit inconvenient…which does make a difference. Mostly to James.

James is a classic paper toweler. He reaches for a paper towel maybe 8 times out of 10. He justifies this habit as being more sanitary in some situations (although with a Sanitary Wash on our washing machine I don’t feel particularly unsanitary when using a washcloth, but I guess he does) and mostly, more convenient. It doesn’t cross his mind to reach under the sink for a washcloth until after he’s got a paper towel in his hand. And then it’s easier to use the paper towel since it’s already in his hand. I’ve seen this event many times. And it’s clearly a very common habit.

So in an effort to use designated “unpaper towels” instead of washcloths (I think I thought that designated unpaper towels would feel more like using paper towels which seemed like it would motivate us to solidify the switch to cloth), I actually bought flour sack towels because they’re touted as super absorbent and super useful and just the Overall Best Towel. But I haven’t used them much because:

They’re out of sight: they’re in a drawer.
Their drawer is a little out of the way–in an underused corner of our kitchen. I put them there because it was the drawer that would be least disruptive to the flow of my kitchen when I cleaned it out and made them a home. My kitchen’s already well-established. Muscle memory. Habit. You know. But that has really worked against me since there is absolutely no muscle memory to guide us to that drawer since it used to be a junk drawer. (But it’s also had the added bonus of ridding ourselves of a junk drawer! I call that a win.)
The tag lists a persnickety washing routine: cold water, gentle cycle, separately. So I was gun-shy to use these delicate flowers, but so many people assured me that that’s a load of bunk. They’re super hardy. They’re towels. For cleaning.
They’re white and pristine! Who wants to ruin that?! That’s right up there with underlining in a new book and sweating in a fancy dress. Alas, they are meant to be used.
Also, a lot of people said they’re too nice and useful and multifaceted to use as unpaper towels. (Validating roadblocks #3 and #4 above!) I should look into these other uses, though. I do actually need to use them.

Learn from my mistakes, people. One of Gretchen Rubin’s strategies for successful habit formation is the strategy of convenience. Which is basically just recognizing that even the tiniest inconvenience can derail us. Which means that making something as convenient as absolutely possible is the best way to be successful. Clearly I need to re-think my flour sack towel drawer if I ever want to use them. (Also this is a good lesson in recognizing that you often don’t need to buy specialty things. The Lesson of the Onion Chopper. And the Chicken Roaster. And the Fajita Cast Iron Mini-Skillet.)

Exactly opposite of what I just said: I think the best way for me to switch to full unpaper towel use is to invest in a roll of unpaper towels that we can use on our existing paper towel holder. That way, when muscle memory takes us (James) to the paper towel roll, we’ll simply be met with cloth instead. Also, our paper towel holder is mounted under our cupboard, so it’s more of a hassle to unmount it than fill it with unpaper towels. And, mostly, a roll of unpaper towels hanging from the mounted roller is VISIBLE without being on my counter, so it’s much more convenient–without the huge pet peeve of something additional on my counter. I hate counter top clutter. If I could, I would have absolutely nothing on my counter tops. Except plants. There is always room for plants.

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Oh, one more thing–a lot of people reach for paper towels very purposefully when the job is really gross. Like cleaning dog barf or poo out of carpet. Or cleaning the toilet throne. Or stanching blood flow. Don’t worry; you don’t have to use your kitchen towels for that. And you also don’t have to use paper towels for that! Rags, my friends. We actually have a ton of household rags in our laundry room that we bought as a Costco mega-pack when we were moving into our house. We had to wash all the walls with vinegar water to get the smoke smell out, and they were also well-used for paint rags when we repainted every wall and ceiling–twice. (PSA: Don’t smoke inside.) So we already had designated gross rags. And James is excellent at using those. But take my advice above and don’t buy Specialty Gross Rags. Just use what you’ve got. Cut up old clothes that you were going to donate, but that D.I. was just going to throw it away anyway because they’re so old (I just cut up a pair of pajama pants that I’ve had since I was 14. Ain’t no Goodwill gonna want those.) Old blankets, sheets, whatever. Rags are the easiest things to acquire. You don’t need paper towels, I promise.

So, back to the kitchen. You can make unpaper towels or you can buy them.

How to Make UNpaper Towels

I have not actually made unpaper towels, mostly because my sewing machine is downstairs and I haven’t actually used it in years and I’m lazy. But these would clearly be a super super super easy project to start with–for a rusty, lazy sewer like me or a newbie or a child!

Here’s a tutorial with step-by-step instructions.

This “tutorial” is hidden within useful commentary (the instructions are minimal because single-ply are super easy to make).

Here’s another easy tutorial, this time using flour sack towels.

Where to Buy UNpaper Towels

I like Marley’s Monsters as a company (I haven’t purchased their unpaper towels yet, but I think theirs are the ones that will work best for us–they’re exactly what I want), and they look great. You can buy them on a roll or in a jar (to dispense like tissues). You can also buy the wooden towel holder for your counter top and replacements for the inner tube. They’ve thought of everything! Their unpaper towels are intended to cling to each other for easy rolling. (These are in my online cart!)

These linen ones are beautiful. And listen to this: “As part of Linoto’s Zero Waste Program initiative, Treeless Linen Towels are made from the unusable sections that also make our linen products.” Super cool!

You can also buy from Unpaper Towels, but these look way too expensive to me. They snap in place, which initially seems nice, but I can also see it becoming annoying to unsnap every time I want an unpaper towel. Especially if I’m trying to catch liquid from spilling off the counter or some other minor emergency =)

There’s always amazon. Many unpaper towels don’t roll together, so towels like these are typically folded and available in a basket on the counter top.

There are lots of etsy shops, too.

Resources:

Zero Waste Minimalist FB Group Ask any questions you have about unpaper towels. Lots of old pros in here. And yes, this is listed as a resource in each of my posts because it really is an awesome resource!

And there you have it. Swap ’em out, friends.

Living Sustainably Through Coronavirus: Why I Love Cloth Diapers

March 22, 2020 elizabethtidwellLeave a comment

I’ve actually been meaning to write about my deep love for cloth diapers for months and months–long before coronavirus was on the scene. But life, you know. And I wanted to write about cloth diapers days ago, but… well, here we are. This blog won’t be perfect, nor will it contain all you’ll ever want to know about cloth diapers (that’s seriously impossible. Cloth diaper [CD] research can be a major rabbit hole if you let it). But what I want to do with this post is just tell you about my experience and knowledge and give you some resources. Of course, others will have different reasons and experiences and opinions. Sally forth as you will.

I hate to imagine the mental scramble of anyone looking at a dwindling disposable diaper supply amidst all the shortages and desires/needs for social distancing. My heart goes out to you. The emotional impact of a shortage is so, so much more extreme when it has anything to do with kids; I feel like running out of TP for an adult is an inconvenience but running out of diapers for a baby is absolute helplessness. So I want to get you in cloth before you run out and before prices go up any higher or cloth diapers also become harder to find due to shortages.

What’s the Hang-up with Cloth Diapers?

You know how everyone tells you that when you’re pregnant you’ll get lots of unsolicited advice? I actually got very little. But one thing people were very opinionated about and always warned me against was cloth diapering if it ever came up in conversation.

“It’s not worth it.”

“Gross.”

“Disposable diapers are so much better for baby bums these days.”

Most often, though, was just: “Don’t.”

It took me off-guard. Was it that big of a deal? And was it that big of a deal to others that I do it? I always responded with, “Oh, I’ve used them before so it’s not that big of a deal.” And I think that really is a big part of it: cloth diapers seem so daunting to the uninitiated. But they don’t have to be! Just jump in and figure it out as you go.

Here are the reasons I chose to cloth diaper, in this order:

Cloth diapers are much kinder to the environment. (Much less waste in the landfill plus just buying fewer things = slowing the destructive wheel of consumerism)
- If you don’t know, I’m fairly invested in being kind to the environment. (I don’t know how you wouldn’t–you’re probably reading this blog after clicking the link I dropped in FB, and all over my FB page is my environmentally-related weeping and rejoicing) In addition to low-waste, I’m also interested in buying as little as possible. (Have you joined your local Buy Nothing group yet? If not, DO!) So this is a compelling feature of cloth diapers for me.
I wasn’t scared of cloth diapers.
- I was a nanny for a couple of years and one of the toddlers wore CD. I don’t remember being intimidated; they were so similar to disposables and the family had a well-oiled system in place so that it was seriously a breeze.
Cloth diapers are cool.
- I’ve just always thought they were cool. Shrug.
Cloth diapers save money.
- The biggest myths I heard, even within the cloth diapering community, were that cloth diapers are really expensive, partly because you needed a big stash. I started with 7 diapers because I was gifted a 6-pack of pocket diapers and one all-in-one from a baby shower (thank you!). So my stash was 7 diapers. We recently bought another 6-pack and spent the same amount on 6 cloth diapers as we would on a box of Costco disposables. Of course, you can spend lots more if you want to, but my point is that it’s not necessarily super expensive. Buying boxes and boxes and boxes of disposable diapers, though, is.
Cloth diapers mean less poop-cleaning.
- I spent WAY more time scrubbing poo out of clothes before I put M. in cloth: disposables are sucky when it comes to blow-outs. I’ve had one poo leakage in cloth! ONE! (And it happened when she was sitting in a jumper so there was lots of compression on her diaper.) And once I started using a diaper sprayer, poo contact became minimal. So when people say cloth is gross I get it, but also know they just don’t have the experience to know otherwise. And here’s the thing: Even though I do clean out her diapers instead of tossing them in the trash, I’d rather deal with contained poo than worry her clothes will stain. And I don’t care if her diapers do; they’re underwear. (And they haven’t stained.)
Cloth diapers are cute.
- Sure, you can get cute patterns, but mostly: LOOK AT THAT SQUISHY BUM!
  (This baby is not M.)

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But the Overwhelm is Real

I started researching CD months before M. was born. There is A LOT of info out there, and the more I read, the more overwhelmed I got. How would I know which was best? How would I know which we liked most? The solution really is just to choose a type of diaper and go for it. You don’t need to commit to anything until you’ve tried it for a little while. You don’t need to amass a huge stash. Start as small and slowly as feels best for you.

We started with Cloth Diapering Lite. By that I mean, I didn’t try to cloth diaper until M. was maybe 4 months old. Having a baby was a big enough learning curve and I didn’t want to add learning CD–it just felt too overwhelming at that point. Plus newborns pee just about constantly, so I wouldn’t have been able to CD full time without committing to a bigger stash since I only had 7 diapers total. Anyway, I got out the diapers I had and started learning about them and felt ready to jump in, but then they sat in my laundry room for maybe another month because I was overwhelmed by needing to figure out a proper wash routine. But once we got that down, it really was not as big of a deal as it was made out to be. I really wish I had started CD earlier; I’m not joking when I say I love them.

But the overwhelm was real and big and really stood in my way. There are a lot of myths out there about CD, so I just want to help you bypass those months of overwhelm.

What You Need To Get Started

Another big source of overwhelm was the very prevalent message that you need a lot of specialty gear to start CD. That’s false. All you really need is some diapers and a good wash routine.

But which diapers? There are a handful of different styles of CD: All-in-one, all-in-two, pocket, pre-fold, flat, fitted, and more. Here’s a good run-down. Of course there are some types of diapers that need more components than others (like a cover and snappi) or need more skill (like figuring out different styles of folding), but you can choose your level of simplicity.

I now have 12 pockets and 1 all-in-one and I like the pockets much better than the all-in-one. I thought I’d like the AIO because it seemed to be the most like a disposable diaper so the transition would be easiest, but it just didn’t fit as well, it takes forever to dry, and was more expensive. Pockets require stuffing an insert into the pocket, but that doesn’t bother me.

I have these pocket diapers…but in solid colors which must not be available right now. They were $30 for 6 when I bought them, although they’re $50 right now. So they’re a really cheap kind. And they have their flaws, but not enough to bug me. However! I don’t actually recommend buying these amazon pocket CD multipacks because they come with two microfiber inserts per diaper. And you don’t need two. Because if you’re doubling your inserts, you should get a different fabric. Microfiber doesn’t hold much pee so I was getting lots of leaks. If I were doing it all again, I’d buy the diaper from a supplier, opt for cotton over microfiber, and add a hemp insert for extra absorbency. I actually kind of just made this switch myself–I bought some cotton pre-folds and will use my pockets more like a cover once we finally kick M.’s yeast rash, but I can’t say yet if I prefer that method over pockets…we’ll see! Here’s a good cheat sheet for evaluating capacity versus speed.

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But where do you find them if not The Great and Powerful Amazon? Well, there are lots of popular brands and distributors. Here’s a big list (that I found in the Fluff Love & CD Science FB group). The most common I see bandied about all the time are Green Mountain Diapers, Grovia, Thirsties, and Nicki’s Diapers.

Okay, now you’re ready to start experimenting with the kind(s) of diapers you’d like to try! Next step: laundry.

Why Is a Good Wash Routine So Important?

Because washing diapers improperly can really hurt a baby bum. You don’t want ammonia build up or lingering stink. You don’t want to ruin diapers and compromise their integrity by washing too roughly or not cleaning out waste fully. You really want to preserve their absorbency.

The best way I found to create a wash routine is by following Fluff Love University’s guidelines. First, look up your washing machine in the index, which will tell you what settings to use on your machine. Then look through the detergent index to find a recommended brand, and then test your water hardness so you can figure out what additives you might need.

Then have the admins in their FB group, Fluff Love & CD Science, check your wash routine to help ensure you’re set for the long run.

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A Day in the Life of Our Cloth Diapers

I was washing every night (now I have enough to wash every other night if I want to), so in the morning M. and I would play and stuff and snap diapers and fold wipes. This took maybe 7 minutes because I only had 6 to stuff. Then we’d fill her diaper drawer so diapers were ready to go when I needed them. When I only had microfiber inserts I was changing her diaper about every hour, but now that I have cotton it should ease up a bit. Although I will still change more frequently than you typically do with a disposable diaper.

When changing, I grab a dry wipe from her drawer, then spray it with my cloth diaper wipes solution (same solution I gave in my post about ditching toilet paper altogether). Once she’s clean, I put the dirty diaper to the side (we have a little end table by her changing table) and pull out a ready-to-go cloth diaper. Once she’s clothed again, I let her play in her room and take her diaper to the bathroom by her room.

If the diaper is only wet, all I have to do is tug the insert out of the pocket and plop them into the laundry basket I have by the toilet. I lay them in the basket so they’re staggered. If the diaper is poopy, I pull the insert out, drape it in the toilet, and spray it with a diaper sprayer. Repeat with the cover. I make sure they’re very wet, but not dripping, then they go into the laundry basket, staggered.

At the end of the day, I grab the laundry basket and toss them in the washer for a pre-wash. Then bulk and wash again. I move them to the dryer before I go to bed.

And that is it. So, so simple.

I did opt for a diaper sprayer because that’s what I used when I was a nanny. You don’t actually need one (there’s the dunk-and-swish method, but I did think that clocked in too high on the gross-ometer for me). A diaper sprayer is just a hose and nozzle attached to your toilet so you can spray solids off of the diaper into the toilet bowl. I also have an apron I can slip on for really intense spraying sessions. (M. eating solids…all I need to say.)

I also use cloth wipes which shouldn’t surprise you if you read my sub-cloth-for-TP post. I’m not sure why, but I initially thought these would be gross. But they are my favorite. M. has such sensitive skin and with cloth wipes she’s not only getting a softer material but I also spray each wipe with that CD-safe wipes solution so her skin is getting a nice spa treatment with every diaper change.

As far as the laundry basket goes, I use a cheap plastic one with lots of holes. You have two options when it comes to storing dirty diapers before the wash: a wet bag to hold in all the stank or airing out with lots of circulation. I went with the laundry basket because I already had the laundry basket so that was cheap and easy. I didn’t want to buy another wet bag and the idea unloading a bag of wet dirty diapers into the washing machine at the end of the day is way grosser then tossing in dry ones. Wet bag or dry circulation, you still have to get the poop off before they go in the washing machine, so a laundry basket by the toilet with diaper sprayer just seemed easier than a bag. And you might be thinking a pile of open-air diapers in a bathroom might be really stinky, but it really isn’t. I leave the fan on in the bathroom and they dry out well enough that it’s not bad. It’s actually way less odor than I thought it would be.

As you can see, I didn’t get tons of specialty items for cloth diapering. So it doesn’t actually have to be so overwhelming or expensive, even though you can of course choose whatever add-ons you’d like.

I do have one anti-recommendation: Disposable Bamboo Liners. These are thin bamboo sheet you put in the diaper that is permeable for liquids but not solids. The idea that when a baby poops you can just lift the liner out, poo included, and toss it in the trash so you don’t have to deal with poo at all. I bought these before M. was born thinking they’d be nice, especially when I was out and about, but I don’t need them or like them. They get clingy with wet, and you have to throw them away every diaper change which was a huge waste. Plus the liquidy poo pre-solid-food wasn’t at all even helped by the liners. Although they’re probably much better with an older baby. I just don’t think they’re worth it.

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Some Caveats

I have some major advantages that definitely make my CD experience super convenient, like a separate bathroom for M. that’s right by her room. I don’t have to have a diaper sprayer and dirty laundry basket in a shared bathroom. I also only have one kid. I anticipate cloth diapering with my next kid(s?), and starting when they’re younger, but that’s more laundry and compounds other aspects of CD. Another aspect of my life that makes CD simple is that I’m lucky enough to stay at home with M. and not have to leave for work, which means I don’t have to coax a caretaker into overcoming the common resistance to the idea of cloth diapering. Also, I haven’t gone through all the phases from newborn to potty trained, so maybe it would be harder with a newborn or a 2 year old? I don’t know.

And a big caveat is that I mentioned our Cloth Diaper Lite system. I mentioned that I started M. in CD when she was many months old. I haven’t yet mentioned that we didn’t mess with leaving the house in CD; we just used disposables. A lot of that was due to the leaking issue which should now be fixed with the cotton pre-folds and extra hemp inserts I purchased recently. CD Lite also includes a disposable at night. James does the bedtime routine with M., so that’s how that came to be. We didn’t want to deal with leaks and have to figure out other types of inserts to absorb enough to last 12 hours (M. is an amazing night sleeper!)

One Last Thing: The Husband Test

Before we had M., people asked James what he thought about cloth diapering and he swore he wouldn’t deal with them. But I showed him how to do it and he said (drumroll):

This is just like putting on a regular diaper.

That’s right: NBD!

They really are easy.

I do have to add that he hasn’t dealt with spraying out a poopy one, though…we’ll get there.

Resources

I use Fluff Love & CD Science for everything. Ask questions, search the group for topics, ask for insights on the washing routine, look through the files, ask for input on how your CD is fitting on your baby.

Fluff Love University will also tell you everything.

I didn’t know how to put a CD on when I first started (I use ones with tons of snaps so you can adjust the fit as they grow) so here’s a video that I found helpful. It is a little different from putting on a disposable, but not really that different. But you definitely want to put it on correctly so it’s comfy for baby but also to prevent leaking.

P.S. Why I’m Not Using Cloth Diapers At the Moment

I did mention that I haven’t used my new cotton and hemp inserts yet and that’s because M. has had a yeast rash. Yeast can live in cloth for up to 2 weeks, so you can either use disposables while they still have a rash or you can add bleach to every wash. M.’s skin is just so sensitive I didn’t want to go the bleach route. This yeast rash has been A BEAST to try and get rid of, and we’ve done everything our pediatrician has recommended. Baking soda baths 3x/day; lots of diaper-free time; Nystatin 2x/day. We even tried gentian violet. She eats yogurt almost daily and we add probiotics to her nightly bottle. Her rash isn’t bad; it’s just so stupid stubborn. There’s a lingering shadow of discoloration that we think is still yeast. I miss my cloth diapers so so so so much! If you have any experience with persistent yeast diaper rash, let me know!!

Go Forth and Cloth Diaper

That’s all, folks! Now you’re ready to switch to cloth so you don’t have to worry about running out of diapers during a pandemic.

Please let me know if you have any questions! I tried to put a lot of info in here because my initial research was so disjointed; I had to scrap different bits of CD info together myself because I found very few posts that had all this info laid out in one spot. I hope this is helpful! But I’m sure I’ve overlooked some things. Let me know!

Also, please remember this:

My experience with cloth diapers is very limited. Others have different opinions and methods and probably know a lot more than I do.

But that’s okay! Now you have just a little leg up.

Thanks for reading this extremely long-winded post.

Living Sustainably Through Coronavirus: Say No to TP!

March 18, 2020March 18, 2020 elizabethtidwellLeave a comment

Well, I am back in Utah! LAX was absolutely dead. There was no line at all when I went through security. I stood at least 6 feet away from everyone in the airport–which was super easy given its lack of people. My flight was maybe two-thirds full, maybe–and it was a small plane. So, so wild. I thought about seeing M and James when I got home; I was nervous to hug and kiss and hold and snuggle M when they picked me up; I didn’t want to get any LA germs on her. But it would be impossible to not hug her so I at least washed my face in the airport bathroom. Which was maybe a moot point since she wanted to hold me and was hungry and we stopped at a grocery store on the way home to get provisions and I breastfed her in the back of the car…germs be damned, I guess. When we got home I threw all of my travel clothes into the washer and jumped into the shower. It at least made me feel better, even if it wasn’t actually all that effective.

Anyway. Back to your bum.

As I said in my last post, a bidet will be your best friend. But it will only get you halfway to non-TP-dependent bathroom habits. The next step is ditching toilet paper altogether.

What, then? you ask. Cloth.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you’re thinking. You’re gross.

I get it. You’ve got questions. Concerns. Possible disgust to address.

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Why It’s Not as Gross as You Thought

Do you think it’s gross to towel off after a shower? A freshly-washed toosh is a freshly-washed toosh. So if you have a bidet doing your washing, toweling off after a toilet trip isn’t really different. And you’re really just patting dry after using your bidet.

If you don’t use a bidet or other water cleaning system (like a peri bottle), the clean-bum-situation is different, and I’m not comfortable advising you there.

What Cloth to Use and How to Get Them

Really, any will work. Terry, like a bath towel, is fine. Cotton. Whatever. Most common is cotton flannel. You can buy them or make them.

To make them, just cut up some cloth to the size you’d like. (Not too big, not too small; just right. You don’t want them bulky or skimpy.) You can cut an old receiving blanket, old t-shirts, old towels, etc. Some cloth will fray. You can either sew the edges or use pinking shears on favorable fabrics.

Or you can buy them. It’s common to use baby wash cloths; they’re soft, absorbent, easily available. When I started cloth diapering M, I bought wipes instead of making them (they’re easy to make, but I knew I wasn’t likely to do it, and I didn’t want to waste time waiting to make myself pull out my sewing machine or buy pinking shears or whatever). These are the ones we have. There are tons of brands just like those. And don’t limit yourself to amazon! There are lots of businesses (both brand names and work-at-home moms) that make and sell wipes. Just Google “cloth wipes” and you’ll find plenty of places to buy. Green Mountain Diapers has a little sampler pack if you want to try a few different styles and fabrics. You really can’t go wrong with wipes.

How to Store Correctly

Back to the initial concern with grossness, it’s obviously important to use cloths designated only for toilet towels. For your bum’s sake and for the rest of your house’s sake.

Storing these is easy; just keep a stash handy by the toilet somewhere–a designated drawer in your vanity; rolled or folded or tossed into a wicker basket on the back of the toilet or beside it; whatever. Here’s some in a jar for tissue-like dispensing. Wherever you store them, just keep them out of damp areas.

But what about storing used cloths? Once again, think of what you’re comfortable doing with a used bath towel. Some people toss used cloths into a closed-top garbage can or laundry basket until cleaning. Some use an open-top pail. Or you can use a wet bag–a waterproof cloth bag that can be tossed in your washing machine with your used cloths. Here’s an example.

As always, wash your hands well after using the toilet–no matter how you wipe.

How to Clean Correctly

There are a lot of opinions about this, but I bet you can guess what I’ll say: think about how you treat your used bath towels. If you want to kick it up a notch, consider boosters like vinegar, hydrogen peroxide, Borax, OxiClean, maybe bleach occasionally. For extra disinfecting, air dry in the sun.

For an Extra Happy Toosh

If you want to be extra nice to your bum, get yourself a spray bottle and make yourself a bum spray! (You don’t have to spritz your bum; just spray the cloth before wiping.) Here’s the solution I use for M’s cloth diaper wipes:

2 cups distilled water
1 TB witch hazel
1 TB aloe vera
1 TB baby wash
1 tsp coconut oil
1 tsp vitamin E oil

Resources

There are tons of people that have way more experience than I do. Most of those I consult are in the Zero Waste Minimalist FB group. Ask others for their recommendations, their experience, their storage and washing routines, etc.

No matter what else you take from this blog post, heed this: Don’t use pre-moistened “flushable” wipes in place of toilet paper! Apparently some people have been using and disposing of them just as they would toilet paper. But this will clog your septic system! And cause problems for your city’s sewers. If you use them, you need to throw them in the trash.

Living Sustainably Through Coronavirus: Why I Love My Bidet

March 16, 2020March 18, 2020 elizabethtidwellLeave a comment

Sorry it’s taken me a minute to get to post #2; I’m still on “vacation.” But I’m leaving for the airport in an hour. I am very excited to be going home. The US is now on a level 2 travel ban with domestic flights, so I’ll be self-quarantined for 14 days. Once again, so glad we were already prepared before I left my house on Thursday–before the world spiraled out of control.

But I did want to shout my praises to my bidet before they’re all sold out! The masses are catching on to the fact that bidets are longer-lasting than finite amounts of toilet paper. Which is great! Because, once again, they’ll be used long after our extreme social distancing wanes. And, of course, they’ll see you through the waxing of our extreme social distancing! (Please practice extreme social distancing.)

Alrighty. Here are a few reasons you want a bidet:

Hygiene
Are Bidets Healthier than Toilet Paper?
Lessen toilet paper waste/preserve forests
The Issue with Tissue
Save money
Upfront investment (which can be minimal) versus perpetual expense
Stay calm during the TP panic of 2020

Okay, but what bidet should you buy? Well, here are a couple of recommendations. My brother and his family have lived in Japan a few times and adopted a bidet at home years ago. Their favorite is this one. Here’s what my sister-in-law says: “We see those very often in Japan and is our favorite. It is a whole seat and needs an outlet if you’d like the water/seat heated–which we do!” And actually, another of my brothers and his family have this model and they also highly recommend it. My parents also have a full seat bidet, but I’m not sure which model it is. It’s similar to this one and they love it.

Seriously, every person I know who has a bidet loves it. Family, friends, acquaintances.

There are a LOT of options as far as price ranges–it depends on how fancy you want to get. And how much you want to invest up front. And there are a variety, too, of the types of bidet. There are attachments, full toilet seats, and a full bidet in place of a toilet.

And here’s a big consideration: what’s available now. Lots of people have caught on to the wisdom of the bidet and therefore amazon is running low. There was a full seat bidet in Costco last week, but I suspect that won’t last long. And of course, you can shop directly from manufacturers.

Bidet hack: If you don’t want to spend the money, or the model you want to buy is currently out of stock, you can always just use a peri bottle! It can be a great stop-gap while you wait for your bidet. You do want to buy one you think you’ll like instead of one you can grab slapdash. There are also lots of other bidet/peri bottle/water-washing options from other cultures that you could look into if you’d like. Turns out, lots of countries don’t need to hoard toilet paper!

This is the bidet we have. I asked for a bidet for my birthday (Feb. 21), so we’ve only had it for a while, but we have seriously loved it.
PROS: I absolutely do feel cleaner than when I use toilet paper. It’s clear to me that it’s effective. And I love that this bidet has both a regular clean and a feminine setting. It was not difficult to install, it was an inexpensive initial investment, and it’s fairly low-profile. It’s a pretty basic bidet, and it’s easy to use.
CONS: I wish I got one with a dryer setting. I would love to be all the way dry instead of needing to air dry (ain’t got much time for that) or pat dry. James would like a warm water setting (it is a bit cold, but you get used to it), and he actually doesn’t love that it raised the toilet seat a little in the back so it’s uneven. (I didn’t even notice.) And the stream is fixed, so sometimes you’ve got to wiggle around a bit to get a better aim (ha!). It took me a few uses to anticipate the correlation between how much I move the lever and how strong the water flow is; the handle is quiiiiite sensitive–you do not want to jerk the handle up all the way since you’ll definitely feel fire-hosed. It’s kind of hilarious, though.

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I’ve gotta go now! I will write about cloth wipes in lieu of toilet paper next! Stay tuned!

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